Where I’ve Been (New Show/New Blog)…

Hey there everyone!  I know it has been a LOOOONG time since I’ve posted to this blog.  I just want you guys to know that I am still out there, still grinding and I have a new website that I am developing and will be moving many of post of over there.  “One Chick Army”.  “One Chick Army” is a blog based on a show I am hosting on Youtube. I discuss many of the things I talk about in this blog, but with added video!

So go to “One Chick Army” and register so that we can stay connected.  Chat later!

Black Girls Can’t Be Superheroes? My Kickstarter Adventure – Week 2

“You have a lot working against you,” Q.T. said.  “You can’t be a witch, a bitch and black, you will lose your entire potential audience.
Black girls can’t be superheroes, it just doesn’t sell.  Then you are using ‘witch’ which scares a lot of black people off and those that do stick around will be offended by the word ‘bitch’,” he casually finished and then sipped his coffee like he had just given me the time.  This was not the time I needed to hear this, considering I am currently running a Kickstarter for a web series featuring a superhero-type character, “The Confessions of a Witch Bitch.”  Although, I went to him to get some suggestions on how to market my Kickstarter campaign better, I was not prepared to be shut down and dismissed.

“So, would it have just been better if I did a show about being a slave or a maid?”  I sarcastically and defensively quipped back.  “Probably,” he mockingly responded.  “Or something religious. Black women in fantasy roles is just not how the world sees you.”

Something inside of me was unsettled after that conversation and when I checked my gut, I realized, a part of me believed him.  Last week was a good week, “The Confessions of a Witch Bitch” received national press on three blogs and I got an interview on one of the top radio shows in Memphis, TN.  We still have about three weeks left in the campaign and about $12,700 more dollars to raise.  Sometimes, I look at that number and think how in the world is that even possible.  Then I look at it again and break it down, “If 508 donated $25 in three weeks, I will make goal.”  It sounds less overwhelming when I think of it like that.

I actually considered “The Confessions of a Witch Bitch” my more “censored” work compared to “Tricks.”, but the title has proven to be a hit or miss.  I’ve thought about changing it to something bland, boring and filled with less charge and every time I consider it, a part of me loses interest in the project.  Being a woman of color who loves science fiction, thrillers, horror and fantasy does not win a lot of fans – initially, but I’ve always believed that if I produced strong work then it would speak for itself.

I’m Still Standing – My Chaotic First Week on Kickstarter…

As I close in my first week of my very first crowdfunding/Kickstarter campaign, for “The Confessions of a Witch Bitch”, a web series about witches, bitches, bullies and office politics (Oh my!),  I can reflect a little bit. This has single handedly been the most exciting and exhausting week of my life and I’ve shot two movies.

It all started Monday when the emails went out. At first, it was crickets, not one single pledge and I started to get nervous. Doubts began to invade my mind as I found myself asking “Really, no one is going to pledge? People seemed so supportive. Maybe they don’t really like the idea. Maybe they really don’t like me. Time to start reaching out to journalists a little sooner than I thought.” All kinds of doubts were racing through my head and within 45 minutes, I made a choice to release it. Those who get it, will get it. Those who donate will donate and if I don’t get a single donation, I will move on to plan 2. Then Plan 3. Then Plan 4. Then Plan 5. And exhaust every avenue until my 35 day run was over.

Then it happened, I got an alert that I had my very first backer. Then I got another alert, then another. Soon they started rolling in. We were on a roll! I had a goal I needed to reach by Day 1 and it looked like it was going to happen.

Then at 1:58 p.m., something strange happened. I was logged out of my Facebook account and my password could not get me back in. I tried to reset it, but whoever logged me out was already working on that themselves and Facebook did not allow me to. My stomach sunk. Outside of email, my main Facebook page was my driving force behind the campaign. Why, out of all of the days, was this happening now? Other strange things happened that day too, my boyfriend discovered his car had been tampered with in a very dangerous way and I could not get the website up that I wanted to use for my close friends. I then had to go and help fix something at my job and I was on vacation. I mistakenly thought I had beaten Murphy’s law because I meticulously planned and was prepared.

Thankfully, I was able to log back into my Facebook account for long enough to drive my donations up to about $1,600 – not bad for a first day, first timer. It was in the can…or so we thought. I didn’t know how I was able to get back into Facebook, so when I logged out to go to my private page, I had forgotten that I no longer knew my password. Once I logged out, I could not log back in. After I harassed a Facebook ads representative, he directed me to a page on Facebook that provided instructions for hacked accounts. I followed them and lo and behold, I was able to change my password! However, the catch was I had to wait 24 hours before I could access my account again. WHAT?!!!! I freaked out! That was an entire day I would not be able to promote my campaign on my main page. I felt weak inside. All of this hard work, all of this effort sank because of some low life asshole.

After I wallowed in self-pity for a little while, I reminded myself of what other successful entrepreneurs go through all of the time. This was nothing but a setback. So I asked my sister, mother and boyfriend to promote for me on that day while I worked the rest of my emails and ran ads.

It helped, but didn’t have the same impact as it did coming from my page. I took the hit. So, I then sent out my second tier of emails. And that within itself was chaos. An email message I cancelled, went out anyway and some people ended up receiving duplicate messages from me. I was horrified! This was the worst time to be thought of a spammer and I definitely don’t like spam. I quickly sent out an apology email and encouraged those who wished not receive emails from me to unsubscribe.

I was actually reluctant about sending those second set of emails out, because the majority of my contacts came from my Facebook friend’s list. Most people on Facebook want to keep things on Facebook, myself included. However, there was no way I could send each of my Facebook friends a message and Facebook not put up a red flag on me for sending out too many of them.  So I decided to do email.

The results were mixed. Some people were offended that I contacted them outside of Facebook, some were offended that I contacted them at all while others were very happy I reached out and they pledged.

One thing I learned about Kickstarter, that other veteran Kickstarters warned me about was, you really get to see, transparently, who supports you. Some people who I did not think cared, pledged generously. Many people promised to pledge in the next few weeks, which was very encouraging. Others who I thought were on board, didn’t as much as share or respond. I even received an email from a woman wanting to be cast in the show. I’ve never heard of her or from her and by my records, she hadn’t pledged or shared anything. She just wanted me to cast her. Yet others who did not have the funds, made up in other ways by becoming my cheerleaders and working hard to help get the word out. I was deeply humbled by this and thankful.

I had one woman decline to pledge because I use the term “Bitch” in my title. That was hard to hear, mainly because she did not have the context nor did she inquire. And I was reminded that I currently live in the South and the edgy material that I do is too much for many people to handle. Another friend indirectly encouraged me to change the title so I would not offend anyone and get more pledges. I refused to do that. What is the point of doing the show if I can’t tell the story the way I want to tell it? And judging by the 40+ pledges I’ve received, the media interviews and the countless other promises, everyone does not feel that way.

I had a long conversation with a very loyal, old friend last night and I explained to him all that I was experiencing during this campaign. He very bluntly said, “Dee, I’ve always loved your work. If you weren’t talented, I would tell you to go back into tv, but you are talented and you work hard. 100 people go for what you are going for and 99 of them give up when it gets tough. You’ve got to be that 1 motherfucker who stays in the game. Because if you get out just because it is tough and just because some feeble minds are trying to stop you, then you are not that 1 motherfucker and I can’t ride with you anymore.” His wording was colorful, but I got the message.

That same message was echoed over and over again by my family, my boyfriend and other friends – Stay in the game. And I have. I have about a month left in the campaign and I don’t know what’s going to happen. I do have a plan for if I succeed and I have for if I don’t, try again.

And truthfully, I hate asking people for money. This was the single most difficult thing for me to do, at times, I felt like I was begging and my ego was spiraling out of control. I’ve always been incredibly independent, so having to depend on not just one person, but a whole lot of people to make something happen was tough. Then I thought about it, no one is truly independent, even billionaires. They depend on the sale of their products in order to live. If the masses decided they no longer wanted what they were offering, those Billionaires would be deep up shit’s creek. So after I changed my perspective, it made a little bit easier to ask. One thing is for sure, Kickstarter gives you a swift, hard kick out of your comfort zone.

This has been a major learning experience, one I would gladly share with anyone. If you want to crowdfund here are a few tips I can offer:

1. Start early! Give yourself about 3-6 months of prep time if this is your very first campaign.

2. Go for the bare minimum amount you need to get your project going. My goal is to raise the barebone amount to produce the entire show, however, if we don’t hit goal, we will reboot to raise enough to shoot the first 2 to 3 episodes.

3. Build up your following – I already had a following from “Tricks.” but it was not broad enough, so I started working on that more. I just wish I had more time to really work that part.

4. Ask for help! I’ve been pulling 18 hours days on this campaign and I have some help. Next time, I will consider hiring a full time social media manager to free up my time to work other parts of the campaign.

5. Your friends and family will be your first cheerleaders, but don’t solely depend on them – Usually, 20 – 30% of your goal will come from them. And they will be your first cheerleaders and your most passionate supporters. You’ve also got to be ready to get people on the phone and start reaching out to blogs and the media too.

6. Have your media list already ready to go – This is the one thing I really did right. I prepared my media list 6 months ago and kept up with the journalist I plan to reach out to.

7. Don’t take anything personal. This was probably the hardest lesson for me but the most valuable. Everybody is not going to be interested in what you do. Most people are trying to navigate their own lives, so asking them for money in an already tight economy may be too much now. And some people will pledge towards the end, when they see time is running out. Whether they do or don’t, it’s not about you.

8. You will always get more “No’s” than “Yes’s”. – That is a fact. So prepare for that and go forth. Most successful people have failed many more times than they have succeeded.

9. Have some gratitude – The people who pledge are giving a portion of their hard earned money away because they believe in you and/or your dream.  Don’t take that lightly.  If if they only give $1.00, it’s $1.00 more than what you had.

10.  Be that One Motherfucker! – Stay Persistent!  Stay the course!  Be that one motherfucker (as my friend said) who does not quit.  Even when it looks bleak.  Try different ways of doing things.  And be patient, give it time to catch on.  You’ll intuitively know when something is working  and when it is not.

That’s about it. I will be keeping you guys updated on my Kickstarter journey. If you would like to make a donation, you can do so at: http://bit.ly/thewitchb.

If you like, share it.

Is Revenge Always a Bad Thing?

Have you ever wanted to knock the BIG-BOOM-BANG-SMUCKADAT out of your co-worker? Does your boss act like they were Zeus in a former life? Do they just expect you to bow down to them when they enter the doggone room? What if you could get revenge in the exact way you wanted? What you do?

“The Confessions of a Witch Bitch” is a dramedy series told through the eyes of Alex, a scorned witch with a temper and a thirst for revenge who now has to get a job for the first time ever in her life.

She quickly has to learn to survive the world of office politics, employee backstabbing, ego tripping bosses and hidden agendas. As if things are not already complicated, she is ordered to learn how to solve her problems without using magic if she ever wishes to return home. But I’m sure you can imagine how that will go

If you hate office bullies and enjoy shows like “Bewitched” mixed with a lot of “Mean Girls” we’d be honored if you donated to our Kickstarter and help us get this show made. Click here to pledge: http://bit.ly/thewitchb

The Grudge – Why I Chose to Let Go of Hating Pat…

I know. I know. It’s been a loooong time. But I promise you there is a good reason. I’ve been working my ass off!!! There isn’t much else I can offer other than that.

But since I am always evolving, I’m always discovering new things about myself and the world around me. And the latest revelation I had is – I really hate holding grudges. It is absolutely exhausting! And recently, that revelation was put to the test.

I had an opportunity to hate someone (we will call them, “Pat”) and I can name 10 reasons that it would have been justified. And I really, really tried to hate Pat. I said salty things about them, rolled my eyes whenever they were mentioned and became quiet whenever anyone said anything positive about them. However, one night, I went to my regular fight class and found that I could not concentrate. Moves and routines that I could do in my sleep, I was struggling with doing. When I stopped and checked myself, I realize it was because I holding a lot of negative emotions around Pat. I couldn’t punch as hard, I couldn’t jump as high when I kicked, I was no good.

In that moment, I made the decision to let go. My therapist/mentor told me something that really stuck with me – “DeAara, a part of you is trying to seek approval from people you don’t even like.” And that was true. For the most part, I realized that I really didn’t like Pat. Now, I’ve seen Pat be very kind, thoughtful and caring towards others but I’ve also seen them throw shade at people they claim they love, mock “friends” who were not in their presence and repeatedly violate trust and boundaries. So yes, Pat could be kind, but so could Hitler…and we all know how that turned out.

The point is, I realized that a part of me was seeking acceptance from someone that I did not like and who obviously did not like me. So why was I doing this? I’m sure there are a number of childhood variables that play a part and me figuring it out would do no good if I was still suffering. So I decided to work through the pain. And you know what I discovered? It was not about Pat. It was about rejection – and that wound ran deeper than my relationship with Pat ever went. So I worked it and worked it and worked it. And when I got to the other side, in that moment, I felt only compassion for Pat and for myself.

And my energy came back! I realized I was bored with drama, made up stories and misunderstandings. I’m launching a web series, finally marketing my film and getting great results, dating a wonderful man who by all accounts I’m probably going to marry one day. I had no interest in ruminating over something or someone I had no control over.

Inevitably, I will run into Pat again. What will I do? I will speak. I will be myself. If they speak in return, great. If they don’t, no hard feelings. It really is – no thing.

Holding grudges really does trip up other parts of our lives. Letting go doesn’t mean you have to let that person back in, it just means that you open yourself up to the Universe’s blessings and gifts. And that is so much more rewarding than hating someone or seeking the acceptance of a person whom you don’t even like.

Like it? Share it!

I Was Harassed by an Off Duty Police Officer…(Now I Get How Trayvon Martin Must Have Felt)

PLEASE READ AND SHARE!
On Saturday, October 26th at 10:39 a.m. I was followed and threatened by a supposed off duty police officer. It was a white woman with long red hair, driving a black jeep cherokee with the Tennessee/Shelby County license plate number G40 88L. She accused me of pulling out in front of her at a stop sign at Barksdale and Felix, to which, when I retraced my steps, I did not. She was talking on her cell phone about to turn right onto Barksdale off of Felix. I slowed down when I saw her about to turn so I wouldn’t get hit, when she stopped, I continued to drive. She blew her horn at me, I blew my horn back.

I then noticed that every turn I made, she made. She eventually followed me home, but I drove past my house and finally, after I was safely off of my street I just stopped. She pulled up alongside of me, I rolled down my window and asked, “Are you following me?” She said, “Yes, I just wanted to let you know that you ran a stop sign and almost hit me at my house. You are lucky that I am off duty right now, I just wanted to let you know that.”

I responded, “I did not almost hit you, I had the right of way. And this is how you respond, by stalking me?” She claimed she was not stalking me, to which I replied, “That’s exactly what you are doing. You have been following me, I feel threatened and that is considered stalking. I don’t care if you are off duty or were on duty, you will not harass me because I have a lawyer!” She sat there for a few seconds and then I replied, “Now, go on.” And motioned her to leave with my hand. She then pulled off and I immediately got her license plate.

I will be taking action, if she is in fact a real cop (I really don’t know what “off duty” title she was speaking of, she very well could have just been trying to blow smoke up my ass). But with her trying to be a rogue Bad Ass, she dropped off several clues as to who she is.

After I calmed down, the first thing that came to my mind was Trayvon Martin. I now have some context as to what he probably felt. I too felt afraid and angry. I turned different corners to try to see was she following me and she continued. Finally, angry, afraid and not in the mood for games, I confronted her. She threatened me with “her badge.” Thankfully, no one was hurt, but do you see how ugly this could have gotten?

Even if I ran the stop sign, she still had no right to stalk me. I am not some ignorant little black girl who does not know the law. I will not tolerate being harassed by those in power who use their badge for abuse when it was designed for them to serve and protect. I ask that you share this story! If this woman is out following people and using her badge to attempt to intimidate people anytime she feels annoyed, then she must be held accountable! #justiceforall #offdutyabuse

I Just Want a Fucking Burger…

Starting a diet is easy, staying on it is tougher. Sometimes, no matter how healthy the food is, no matter how much weight you’ll lose, by the end of the day, you just want a fucking burger.

Gossipers and Flies I do Despise…

“What is the concrete, tangible effect?” This is what my Life Coach asked me yesterday when I was expressing my sadness and anger about some people who behaved in some pretty hurtful ways towards me, including making snide remarks behind my back, in my face, trying to sway a group of people to view me with their same bitter and warped projections they had and a part of me felt powerless.

I didn’t understand what he meant until he broke it down. He asked was I in contact with any of these people regularly. No. Do I work for them. No. Are they affecting my ability to create and produce my show. No. Is their behavior influencing how he or my close family or real friends view me. No.

When I really thought about it, all they could do was talk. That’s it. No other violations had taken place and yes, it hurt, but it really showed me who they were, not that I didn’t already know. They weren’t foolish enough to put their hands on me, they just ran their mouth. And if their words can influence the minds of people who have never taken the time to get to know me, those are people who I have no desire to engage with anyway.

The only time it really matters what people say or do is if it has a concrete, tangible effect on One’s life. I can’t make people like me. I can’t make people not gossip about me. I can’t make people understand me, accept me, want to be my friend. I can’t control what ideas they will form about me, what they post, whether or not they speak to me or invite me to something. And yes, it may sting, but I won’t die from it. It is not affecting my ideas, my ability to walk, go to work, eat, breath. At worst, MY feelings are hurt – and that I CAN CONTROL.

The only thing on this planet that we have any type of control over are our perceptions and how we choose to respond to things. That’s it. And I choose to limit my interactions with unworthy witnesses who have nothing better to do than point out all the flaws in others in order to give their own worthless lives some miniscule meaning.

Is Your Husband Cheating? What You Mad For?

Women who have ever dealt with a husband/boyfriend cheating and the “other” woman doing everything she can to break you all up will be able to relate to my next “monorhyme” – What You Mad For? This came right out of my personal experience that is well chronicled on this blog.  So if you dig it, give it a thumbs up, leave comments on Youtube and share it!

The Pastor and the Prostitute

When I was writing my film, “Tricks.” I interviewed a woman who shared with me her experience dealing with a Baptist preacher and his congregation who judged her.  I thought it was an excellent story line, but “Tricks.” was already too long and I had to start editing it down and couldn’t add anymore storylines.  I never forgot that story and decided to do something with it when I started producing, “The People Inside My Head.”

Since I do “monorhymes”, I thought was one of the coolest songs to perform this rhythmic monologue to would be Nicki Minaj’s “Beez in the Trap.”  I had meant to do this last year, but it took “The People Inside My Head” a little longer to crank up.  So here it is, watch, share your thoughts and share the video!